I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
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Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
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While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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