How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
