We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
