Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
