everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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