Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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