I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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