The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
