He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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