At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
