I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He felt like a one man threesome
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
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I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
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Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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