Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
