I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize