I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update