a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.