So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
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I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
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It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night