Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
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I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
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Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.