I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink