I just threw up on my dentist
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
