you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just googled if crying burns calories
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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