I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
