I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize