Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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