Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
