I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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