1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
