He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
