What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
false alarm, still single
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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