Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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