1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
