I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I didn't notice because vodka
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
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