So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
