Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
