Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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