I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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