I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
