And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
