I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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