Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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