You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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