So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
