ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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