Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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