She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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