I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
two words: eviction party
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
