oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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