I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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