I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
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If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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