Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize