What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
