Apparently you make a good broom.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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