Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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