...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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