my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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