It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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