everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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