I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
