Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
