I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
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WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
God, I missed his penis.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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