after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
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IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
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Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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