I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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