Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
