that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So many bounce houses so little time
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
